Humorous Theories is Under Construction

Humorous Theories

The Keebler Elves Though never shown, live in a tree between the East and West Wings of General Hospital. It's their thankless task to keep the news of any PC event from reaching GH (and vice versa). This is called "GH Creep" (no, that's NOT Moreno!). They -- using Elfin Magic -- are VERY good at this.  
  That's why during the bombing (on the elevator) no one on GH knew a thing about it! They failed, however, to completely keep the " Flu from Heck" from getting into the West Wing and had to silence Ellen after she called Monica. (Normally, Ellen would have found herself with a mouth full of cookies and she would have forgotten her original intention of speaking to a GH'er). The elves kept Ellen doped up with Oatmeal Scotchies -- everyone just assumed it was the flu.

At one point they walked out on strike (on PC, not GH) and news of Lucky's death made it to PC. Now that the PC PTB have coughed up enough "dough," the elves should be back to their usual efficient job.

That Zorin, International Little Person of Mystery, is part of the crew of the Keebler's. Although he was accidentally caught by the cameraman, he made up for it by keeping Victor-Kevin-Eve and Ned-Chloe-Jax-Alexis-Gertrude from crossing paths in Rome.

   
They DID stuff cookies into Kevin, so he'd go off on a Christmas Tree buying trip, rather than visit his best friend's (Mac) bedside after he was mortally wounded by a bullet. But they forgot about Lucy and she sneaked over to see Felicia and Mac. Maybe Lucy and Felicia dressed as nuns or something, and the elves drawn the line at v "oatmeal scotching" nuns.  
Latest Updates on the Elves:: The Elves are now covering all the shifts that the deceased/license revoked/just plain goofing off residents can't cover. (Jake, Ellen, Joe, Julie .....) These guys have to be the hardest workers on the planet! But it does explain how Alan and Mac made it into the East Wing ''unScotched'' during Feb 200 sweeps.    
       
       
Mr. big (A/K/A Neil Kanelos) is the Crime King of Port Charles. (Note the small " b" ) BTW, Mr. Big (big B) was Burt Ramsay, PC Crime King on GH years ago (he" s no relation that we know of -- heh, heh, heh -- to Chris Ramsey). PC" s Mr. big" s " big" plan has resulted in all tragedies/crimes/unwanted developments that have occurred on PC (and most of the ones that have occurred on GH). His YaYa and PaPou (grandmother and grandfather) Kanelos are actually his gang members. Sonny Corinthos and Jason " Borg" Morgan are mere puppets, subject to his every dastardly whim. There's some debate over whether Sigmund and Freddy the Ferret are in his gang. Lark, Frank, and Chris are gang members. Serena is the love of his life, " the Blonde that Got away."  
  Our last surmise is that Mr. big (a la Carly being Bobbie" s child) is actually the son of Kevin Collins and his ex-gal pal Grace Whatzername (*not* Jake" s Grace, former nurse at GH and General Homicide victim). Kevin thought Grace drowned in Lake Geneva but she didn" t. She lived long enough to give birth in the same hospital in Greece where Courtney had her child. When Courtney" s real child died, she was frantic to show the Kanelos" an heir and stole Mr. big (who was pretty little) from the hospital. DNA testing will eventually reveal his true heritage.  
  big would like nothing better than to win Serena back, but unfortunately, Tommy " Tomz" Hardy (Tom Hardy, Jr.) is now in town, fighting desperately to win his " Serener" . You see, he" s the third member of the biggest, hottest triangle ever to hit GH or PC: the b/S/T triangle. (BTW, we knew that " Tommy" would not make it as a nickname -- just like Jasper wouldn" t. As Jasper became Jax, Tommy became Tomz.) For those of you who are don" t know GH history -- Audrey Hardy" s son, Tom, was married to a woman named Simone and they have a child (Tommy) who is roughly Serena" s age. None of the aforementioned characters have appeared on GH in a good long while (and NEVER on PC, except in our little fantasy).

Mr big has recently teamed up with his Unca" Ryan (remember, Kevin is big" s " true" father.) They plan to take over the world; and think they have a good chance at succeeding if they can find a way to convince Kevin to let them stay up past their 9:00 bedtime.

The Cherry Garcia Theorem Tyger_of_Nostalgia thought of this one. The Cherry Garcia Theorum states that the person who the PCPD suspects first is always innocent. It's a play on words- Garcia is in honor of Detective Alex Garcia, who captured the essence of the Theorem. And Cherry Garcia, because it's not your plain ol' Vanilla, Chocolate, or even Strawberry' crime. (Tyger had taken a course in Number Theory where the Theorems were named after relevant Fruits, Vegetables, Minerals, Cereal Grains, etc.)  
     
  SuperKat and SleeveGirl ~or~ The Most obscure gag on the board The crime-fighters of PC are SuperKat and SleeveGirl (Katherine Bell and Brenda Barrett). Myth complete with " Katpoles," utility purses, and self-absorbed crimefighters. SK is obsessed with fried chicken, SG anything shiny -- how will they EVER defeat Mr. big?